please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ttyl tear gas
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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