ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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