There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
