I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
