great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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