I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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