She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
