i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
