I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
