the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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