if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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