just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
