Whod you bang
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
