OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
