Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
