should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
