i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
