Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
