i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
