I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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