at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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