We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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