Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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