Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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