I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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