my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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