Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
