Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
