He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
