nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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