How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
