did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
