As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
