I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
