guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
