Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
