Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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