does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
