Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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