Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
