Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
this will be a night to untag.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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