i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
