if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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