So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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