SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
