My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
