First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I could make wine with my vomit
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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