I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
