maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
