I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
