I am midnight drunk by noon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
