what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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