Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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