Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
