her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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