would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
