my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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