I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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