i really wish james franco would like my vagina
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
