I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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