we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
