you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
