Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
